Bye Grandad

August 4, 2008

I started this year with three living grandparents.  Now I have one.  Earlier in the year my Nana (maternal) passed away.  My paternal Grandad passed away last week.

I”m feeling a bit crushed by it all.  Although I wasn’t especially close to my Grandad I am feeling the loss more than I did with my Nana. Maybe it is because I’m feeling the loss of both.  A whole generation lost.  I know it is that time of life- Grandad was in his 90’s- but I wish I had been able to spend more time with them.  I wonder what they would have been able to teach me.

I guess not knowing Grandad well is part of my grief.  My memories of him are unfortunately mostly of a grumpy old man (quiet while I’m watching the cricket, who clogged the shower drain with all that hair… and at my wedding… it’s too cold, can we go).  I do remember him laughing and smiling, but it seemed to get rarer as time went on. I wish I’d taken the time to get to know the man he was.

The other reason for my sadness is that he wasn’t Christian.  Of course, this does not bother me as much as it would have in the past, in fact it doesn’t really bother me at all.  What makes me sad is how much I know it bothers my Dad and other Christian members of the family. What can you say to people who have such strong conservative views about where non-Christians end up.  Trying to deal with that belief, along with the grief of loss must be agonising.

So the funeral is on Thursday.  I’ll be flying to Christchurch on Wednesday.  I’m not really looking forward to it but know I need to be there for my family.  And I want to be there.  To say good-bye.  And hopefully to spend a little time with my only surviving grandparent.


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